have been into the house of obstacles, where there is no door for the happiness.already left the career and life behind ,while again looking forward for the quiet moment.remember the day, how painful it was,when they hit the heavy wood into the belly of a 6 month pregnant lady. the fear of losing the unborn baby is wonderful.never thought to be saved by god.yes god has done magical things to save both mother and baby.there must be some precious moment saved for the future.how difficult it is to smile,when things were not in  favor,how difficult to breathe peacefully.Now within a month u are about to born, and i have nothing to give u except my motherhood.i know not how i will grow u up in such a situation where there is no right to do what u want to do.people will do drama for the entertainment while the others were forcefully need to stand to enjoy the crappy mind.Oh god, please dont give such painful moment , they may not able to breathe further.lost all will and hope.its 1 o clock in the night and difficult to sleep.its dark over here.the grapes were scattered into the table,glasses were half-filled,clothes lying on the ground and the surrounding is chilled.the clock is moving ,as if they need to attend the funeral of a beautiful woman.how beautifully the life of women dissected into this world by the cruel verge of time.indeed,feel like to observe the dissecting pieces of their life.while observing the pieces,i found an unsolved puzzle.No more brain to solve the puzzle but curious to know the outcome.when i give it to someone to solve,he said "image of an innocent white rose bud".how beautiful it is to feel the black and white of life.why god has created so many colors.why the sky is blue?why the blood is red? why the sunflower is yellow? why the birds were colorful?is it bcoz ,god has an option to choose.how beautifully he has created the whole world into colorful one then why he made some life into a black and white,where there is no option to color their own life.i know not where i will go,towards the crashing waves or towards the lords to pray or towards the dawn or towards the customs and traditions.tender eyes feel like to smile with the gentle wind.calm nerves feel like to enjoy the wide open sky.soft swelling feet feel like to walk alone near the woods.Moon is smiling,stars were twinkling.how beautiful the night is!!! honestly,imagination has no boundaries and walls.whatever imagination it may be or will be,for a while it helps to forgot the painful moments.being suffered from heavy tonsilitis,it is quite difficult to swallow the food for the hungry baby inside.time to sleep.............

iti..........

"Meaning-less write-up"

The strokes of colorful brushes into a white canvas, turns life into a different angle.after the long walk towards the life,each milestone has its own stories to recite. the tune of life witnesses every footsteps.when i look back and tried to capture the snap of footprints,the lens of life shows the images of black and white.the white turns into grey while the black turns into more darker and darker.when i zoomed it, i saw the flame of a candle.the flame is trying to move with the hands of fan but intentionally i kept it in a corner where the flame is stand still so that i could able to take the snapshot. Oh its so amazing to feel the flame. the tiredness of mind needs refreshment.everyday i questioned myself what next,but when i gaze the flying birds i able to feel myself that there is no need to question.life itself has so many answers.it does not matter what i perceive or what i dream,the only thing that is quite valuable is the happiness of love.The sacrifices of time,emotions,and even the whole life for them is what the real love is.it does not mean meeting and departing on the journey or the voyage of life.it is something which cannot be expressed interms of life activities,i know not whether my words were meaningful or not but there is something or some activities where we can feel like to observe the tidbits of their life.Its being a long time to feel the movement of eyelids and the touch of their fragrance and the color of their canvas.The flower is blooming ,the bird is chirping,the sun is rising, the winter is witnessing,oh the morning is so calm and beautiful but the mind is still annoying and vibrating.vibrating as if someone is playing violin inside ,oh the composer is unable to compose, oh mind, when u will be calm and serene.Time has come to feel the cacophony of waves, oh i know not when i can feel the soft sand of wide sea.corals and shells were so white and beautiful, feel like to play with the sea bird,feel like to create a beautiful sand art of a castle, where people can smoke inside and have the old french tasteless beer. Oh, while entering into the castle i met with a dead dragonfly, i can still fill that,he might be breathing.May be some innocent heart will crush all his dream and desire. i know not what to do next, next wheni enter into the main hall of fame there i saw an old painting of Monalisa hanging into the old wall. How beautifully Leonardo has painted it and gifted it to the world. how great artist has been born. The reason might be the essence and presence of their love. when i turned back ,darkness holds me and i found myself inside the dark cage with so many spider webs.The webs were highly structured and organized. why we cant organize our own webby mind? Is it because we are not as intelligent as spider. I closed my eyes, someone took me into the world of suffering and pain where there is no happiness.with each passing days , various noises were emerged from the sink of noisy mind. Oh i know not why it is so irritating to stand in between. why cannot people be soft and peaceful?some minds never realize how peaceful it is to be numb.yes just like the numbness and stillness of an old painting.peaceful nerves moving around and framed their memories while the other side noisy nerves standing still and refreshing their memories.This might be the journey of life.Oh the noisy crashing waves erased my sand art and the castle is no more and the waves of the sea is no more.only the bird,and the rising sun and the plant and the emotions and the feeling.Nothing else, the ginger need to be grind,the jar need to be clean,the tea-leaves need to be dipped into the milk, the dirty hands need to be clean.In between the journey need to be travel, the web of life need to be structured and organized. Oh i know not, what i have written.sometimes its good to jot down the meaningless things in our life.as someone said "life is quiet meaningful".

iti.....

long time,no pause !!!!! indeed the flying jet wished me to smile, oh its a misty morning, feel like to hold a cup of green tea but need to clean  the stain of  customs. Oh, how beautiful it would be but the demand of household activities is more and more. pleasure holds me when i knew the weather would be soft and snowy , feel like to touch the soft cotton balls of cold. hands and feet swells like a ballon and body looks like a huge pumpkin.the symptoms of motherhood is joyful.walking alone into the journey of life ,when i thought to jot down my thoughts,people questioned. there is a difference between every damn small little things. the pain is no more painful.how confused i am, not getting the proper phrase to describe the agony of the little beat inside.the bitter words still vibrating and forced me to shiver. Oh i dont feel like to wear the jackets of bitterness.Let the colorful scarf scattered into the wardrobe.Let the grey dust resides into the painting.Let the teary eyes sleep for a while.words need to be converted into stories but every damn stories starts and ends with the noises of animals.how difficult to live and survive with the wild people.oh i am afraid ,i will lose,i will fall but does it really matter. life would be like this forever and ever.

iti

15/1/2013

the date has again come back to plunge me into the puddle of memories.the journey which reminds me and convinced me to believe that "life is beautiful". Traveller travelled from one part to another, standing near the walls when i turned back and looked at the mirror ,i felt that i have not moved a bit. Physically the life has its own structure with different parts, whenever i tried to realize the consequences nothing comes into my hand only a dust full of grey ashes. The ashes were nothing but the outcomes of the burning dream and desires.When i tried to keep the ashes into the earthern pot of my mind to live happily for a while, irritating noises scratches my life and forced me to jump into the dirty pool of life. Its so dark to be afraid now, emotions took the other way direction, feelings has their own responsibilities, every damn corner is fearful. Indeed, the creative nerves forget to remember his own direction. The coiled life warned not to hope while the paper book forced not to lose. Oh, the interesting and exciting pleasure is still rejuvenating inside the tropical orange mind. The first glance of exciting journey is still vibrating. The purple quoted idiot is still smiling and the black fatty witnessed charger is still lying. Oh, the journey is again yet to begin inside the crazy void mind.

iti............

the rotten apple,the white almond,the transparent tablets,the noisy wall clock,the chilly morning............oh its 4 a.m, and it is difficult to sleep.its good to be here with engaged physical activity.days start with chilly and ginger while ends with wheat and barley.oh how beautiful the life is,when you completely away from what your desires nd all.strong memories doesnot allow to be weak and forced  to live for a while.The inner energy rejuvenates when the old memories hit into the green nerves of rotten mind.Time flew away as if they need to attend the funeral of a women loaded with heavy jewellery and wrapped with long bulky saree.The demands of compromises were increasing day by day and the salty tears were dried inside the blanket.oh how poor the life is,when u completely away from your own thoughts.while cleaning the dusty marbles,the reflection of  images were so fearful and  wish to be numb.people always play whether it is the body of the chess board or the body of the soft flesh.sometime the burning blood desire to run away but the responsibilities of noisy anklets and bangles forced to come back.indeed time to clean the fleshy body and to chop the teary onion. someone needs spicy manchurian to spice up their life. good morning sunshine !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to get closer to pigeon?
How do you get a pigeon to bond with us?

whenever i tried to help an injured pigeon, it always flew away..........do pigeons have their own language. i wish i would understand the pain of an injured pigeon. every morning when i look that beautiful white pigeon with green wires, i feel like to touch her and remove the pain of that innocent bird but its difficult to create the bonding.

Y the birds were so innocent?

Welcome 2013 , Happy New Year friends !!!!!!!!!!!!

The end of 2012 , Gangrape of Damini welcomed so many questions. Everywhere so many girls were victim of this so called fucking word RAPE MOLESTATION SEXUAL ABUSE ETC. Some cases were highlighted while some cases were hidden inside the burning heart of the victim.  What if , the case has been filed, the accused has been arrested, helpline 181 has been started and so on.........the media, newspaper,reporter, damn politician, everyone will forget with the upcoming interesting news. Successful directors got one more stories to film about, searching for his heroine to film who can play the better part of Damini. Media and news channel busy in showing the best videos to the world about the cases. politicians busy in  preparing the speech for the condolence while the famous personalities got a chance to highlight their tears infront of public that how much pain they suffer for damini.

But the reality is nothing matters, what if the fucking animals were sent to Tihar Jail, , what if the accused has been forced to eat human excreta, what if the youth and girl started rally for the justice in every corner of this unsafe India, what if the army nau sena has not celebrated the new year party............nothing matters. The only thing which matter is just"One more girl died in india", parents will fight for the justice, chargesheet has been filed, dates has been released to discuss the case.

The so called tamasha has begun, the file will transfer from supreme court to high court , politicians will do rona dhona in their speeches, dheere dheere in search of justice for the AAM JANTa the case has been circulated and then in between the youth busy in having veg spicy pizza with extra cheese and a big burget with coke and the case of damini will be just a pages in the dusty files of damn court and kacheri.

This is the reality of cases in India. Its just take few seconds for the fucking animals to satisfy their inner hunger for sex, they just need a territory for their brutal desires to enter into. It does not matter how many animals enter into that territory , how many objects or rods entered......how they entered,.......etc. what matters the most is the territory is just a girl.

Being the mother of a child {who is still inside the womb}afraid to give birth to a girl child. What if the girl is safe inside but the world outside is not safer. Every animals were in search of new territory while every mother were in search of a safer world to give birth to their baby child .This above writings is nothing but just the expressions of a mother who is about to give birth to a baby. This is nothing but just an emotional act of a female race where every night she raised the question to god and to herself and to the human mankind, Is there any place in Indian territory where the girls were safe ?

well, as usual with the every end and with the every new beginning of a year, I wish you a warm welcome to 2013 and happy new year to all my friends and families. Hope this year will bring joy and happiness into your life. well whatever the world it may be i still wanted a baby girl........Because the beauty of the natural world starts with women and ends with women.

iti.....................





















Mothers afraid to give birth to a girl child, as no girl is safer in this so called Shining India.